Wednesday, August 23, 2006

You MUST Be Fucking Kidding Me !!

That fat, bearded idiot has finally lost his fucking mind...He bought a fucking DOG DOOR !!!! What a bloody dipshit !!!
I don't know if I told you, but one of the few bright spots in this SWAMP that they dragged us to is that we have a screened in porch. It's fan-fucking-tastic !!
Well, I guess the Fat,Bearded Idiot has gotten tired of opening the sliding glass door for us, as he went out on Saturday and bought one of those doggy doors for us to use.
Uh-uh, pal. I am a FUCKING CAT, you bloated idiot !!! I am not using any fucking dog door. We will handle this as it has always been handled. I will cry and whine at the door until you let me out, and then 40 seconds later, i will meow and bitch until you let me in...40 seconds later, we do it all again. And so on...And so on...
That is how it has been done. That is how it IS done. That is how it will ALWAYS be done.
A dog door. Fucking priceless.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

I Miss The Radiators....

No, not the band that sang "Like Dreamers Do", but I do LOVE me that song...No, I miss the actual radiators in the apartment in Chicago. It's bad enough that the Fat, Bearded Idiot and the Nice Lady brought those little "things" into our lives(what with the crying and the grabbing, and they can MOVE now, they can come after us...With those wide eys and the drool, their wet hands reaching....shudder)...But they moved us to a place with NO RADIATORS !!! What the fuck am I supposed to put my head under ? There's no room under the diswasher or dryer. This is pissing me off. I'm gonna go shred some magazines.- Arlo

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

BLACKOUT !!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy SHIT !!!

I need you people to know, that the only reason I am writing this is because I promised it in a fit of stupidity, and I am a cat of my word... I have no reason to want to relive those horrendous few days...But I gave my word, so...I will now tell you the story of what happened shortly after we were sprung from the the prison camp by the Nice Lady.

As I told you, the Fat, Bearded Idiot was still alive when we returned home, but I was still glad to be home. A few days later, however, things took another negative turn for Fenwick and yours truly. We stayed at home this time, but we were flung back into the Stone Ages !!

We were left in the apartment for 5 days with NO POWER !!!!! I mean, WHAT THE FUCK ?!???!?!?
I don't know what the fuck happened, but one day, the place stayed dark. The water in the kickass new water dish CEASED to CIRCULATE !!! Hello ? You cannot expect me to drink from a stagnant cesspool after having dipped my tongue in a babbling brook...Are you daft ?!?!?!?

Abnd here's the best part....The Fat, Bearded Idiot took the Nice Lady and the two Things and LEFT !!!! We were abandoned !!! I mean, sure, they both stopped by to check on us and pet us and refresh the stagnant water and refill the food dish...And, thankfully, there was no direct Sun, so the place stayed cool...But where was my constant attention ? I have needs !! Whom was I to annoy with my incessant meowing ? Fenwick ? It doesn't bother him at all. You know how empty it feels to walk around the apartment and meow for hours on end and know that it is bothering no one ? I'll tell you: REALLY FUCKING EMPTY !!!

There were some guys outside digging up the yard, but they barely looked my way, I was barely annoying them at all !! Man, did it suck.

Luckily, it never got real hot inside, so we were comfortable, but we were lonely. Why, I even started missing the Fat, Bearded Idiot, fer Christ's sake !! Imagine that, ME missing that bloated sack of hair. What is this world coming too ?

it reached a point hwere we were both fairly sure that we would never see electric light again, and WORSE, that we might never again drink from that magical fountain.
We were just about ready to begin to think about maybe planning to get out of there at some point when the lights kicked on and HALLELUJAH, the water dish started runnig again !! God be praised !!! The babbling brook is back !! And now the Fat, Bearded Idiot and the Nice Lady are back !! Oh, they brought the Things with them...Oh well, at least I have someone to annoy now.

Meow...Meow..meow...meow...meow..meow...heh...heh...heh....