The Master Plan

One of these days it will work.

What will work, you ask ?

My plan to trip and kill that Fat, Bearded,Idiot. I realize now that I missed my greatest opportunity. Autumn of 2005- that was the time. the apartment was in disarray. He was not sleeping more than a few hours at a time. that was my best chance. I should have used those "things'" arrival to my advantage, but I didn't. I dropped the ball, so to speak. And I am tortured by my lack of action. I was thrown off of my game by those screeching creatures.

But my time will come again...I will have my victory.

Strangely enough, the exit of my greatest ally may help me succeed in the end. Ever since Arlo split, they have been leaving the bedroom door open at night. I might be able to suffocate that bastard in his sleep. They also have stopped leaving on a light in the living room, so if I can get him to wander out in the middle of the night, I could slip underneath his feet, and WHAM !!! Down he'd go, like a sack of potatoes. Now, I just need to formulate my contingency plan in the event that the fall doesn't kill him.

But I will have my day, my friends, just you wait and see.

Summertiiiime....

And the licking is easy...

That's right, it is now officially summertime. Though it has been ballsac melting hot and humid here since, oh I don't know, the BEGINNING OF TIME ?!?!?!?!?

Cheese and rice, why did we move to this damn place ? Like it's not bad enough that I'm big boned AND hairy, now we had to move to Satan's ballsac.

I am actually less inspired to move than usual, and even I didn't think that was possible.

This is one of the few times I can appreciate that Fat, Bearded Idiot, that son of a bitch knows how to crank some air conditioning.

Speaking of the song "Summertime", I can never decide whether I like the Sam Cooke version or the Janis Joplin version better. Can I like them equally ? I suppose I can.

What the Fuck Is He DOING Here ?

That Fat, Bearded Idiot is HOME today.

Why ? This place is supposed to be MINE from 7:15 a.m. until sometime around 4 p.m., Monday through Friday. that fat fuck is supposed to be gone, the nice lady is supposed to be gone, and they take those 2 creatures with them !!

They all left this morning, just like they're supposed to. THEN, he came BACK! I was just getting ready to get down to some bidness, and I hear the key in the lock. what the fuck ? I had to lay down in the middle of the floor and pretend to be asleep.

I figured that he had forgotten something, but no, he stayed here until damn near 2 motherfuckin' 45 !!

Ruined damn near my whole day !!

Laying his fat, lazy ass on MY couch. watching some damn movie about a fucking invisible six foot rabbit.

I didn't get any of my shit done. I didn't continue my work on the leg of the couch. I didn't get to chase any imaginary shit around the house. I am waaay fucking behind now. I'm gonna sleep at the foot of the bed tonight and trip him, that stupid Fat Bearded Idiot. teach him to ruin my fucking day.