Un-Fucking-Believable!

WAIT until you here this bullshit that's going on with me now.

Not to be indelicate, but I was having a bit of an "issue" with my bodily functions...How should I put this...I was pooping pudding ? Does that work for you ? No ? A little too graphic, well it's out there now, so let's just move on, shall we ?
Anyhoo, I was having some diarrhea, and Tuesday night, I kinda decided to shit on the living room carpet. I'm not sure why I did this, maybe I thought it would be funny ? I really don't know. BUT, the Fat,Bearded Idiot apparently HEARD me do this(I heard him say that is sounded like I was trying to get ketchup out of an almost empty squeeze bottle), and came out, chased me around the living room, and locked me in the god-damned KITCHEN!! Can you imagine that ? ME, the F to the E to the N to the W to the I to the C to the K, locked in the mother fucking KITCHEN!?!?!? Well, that shit happened.

So, I decided that i would show him, and I took a few more shits on the floor of the kitchen.

Bad move on my part. This, apparently, made them both CONCERNED about me, and the Nice Lady did the unthinkable- SHE CALLED THE VET!!!!

Then, I was stuffed in a box, and dropped off at that sadists' office. They poked at me, so I hissed at them, so they doped me up. I don't remember much after that.

But get this, I woke up, and they had SHAVED me !!!! Can you believe that shit ? I still have my "mane" as they call it, and they left my tail and my legs- but I feel so NAKED !!

But guess what ? That's not the worst of it. Right now, I cannot stand up. My motherfucking back legs are not working at all.Well, that's not true. i can move them, I just can't stand up on them. It's weird.

I have been listening to the conversations, and this is what I have pieced together. I have bad hairballs(no, not hairy balls, wiseassses- hairballs-in my stomach), and they have caused gastritis. So, they shaved me top prevent the hairballs. I have to take all this medication, and my legs are screwy because of the sedation. I should have my legs back by the end of the day.

Can you say shitty week ?

DAMN !!!!!

P.S.- I'll have pictures later.